Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
as a side note pls kill me
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
