In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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