All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
