I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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