i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize