gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
