Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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