I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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