I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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