I'm going to jail i love you
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
