I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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