When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
