I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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