mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
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