First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
