I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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