so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
