she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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