She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
