that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
