I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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