my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
being pregnant is like rehab
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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