I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
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