What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
