i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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