please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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