I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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