i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
