I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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