Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
