Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
