every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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