Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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