I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Randomize
