ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
