Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
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