She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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