She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
