she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
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