Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
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I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
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Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize