New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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