How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
