So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
