Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
