i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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