You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
