I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Randomize