Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
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I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
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He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
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