i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
