i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Randomize
