I accidentally had phone sex last night
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
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