the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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