Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
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