just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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