I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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