I'm going to jail i love you
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Randomize
