well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
