TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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