yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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