You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
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