I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
