but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
