Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
