Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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