there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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