he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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