am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Randomize
